i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Everything about him screamed your future.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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