Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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