____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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