I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
