i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
