break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
