Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
sex in a hospital.. check
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
