I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize