There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
