you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
