The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
