I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
