hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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