Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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