I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the day after is always just damage control
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
