i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
