dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
