Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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