i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
