you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
