now i know why i became what i already was.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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