i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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