she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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