Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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