seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize