dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
