Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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