I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
