According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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