im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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