My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
