Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
