We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
