he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am available for nakedness
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
