she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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