No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
