with your own penis?
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
