So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
