Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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