I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
