Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
