they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
