I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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