areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
