ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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