do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
