All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
