I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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