youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
