So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
