I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
