i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
