i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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