Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
