my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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