You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
