You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you will always have a special place in my vag
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
