He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
