Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
