I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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