Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
