Please, let me fuck your mom
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize