what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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