My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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