we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
