Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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