Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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