it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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