and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
