Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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