Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wanna go halves on a baby?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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